The Psychedelic Lumberjack, Rambles

Yay, for Better Days.

After a shitty day a couple days ago the last couple have been great. Doing lighting tasks and the master electrician Brett and I are working really well together lately and feeling like we’re efficiently getting things done in time for tech starting Tuesday. I even got off early both today and yesterday at 4pm. 

Today set up for and worked the Food and Wine Classic in Aspen where Mario Batali and various other world renown chefs are visiting and doing panel discussions on various things in the food industry. This kind of leads me back to the thinking about how the Tony’s were this last Sunday and not only did I know a few people who were at them but one of the nominees for best musical, for sound design of Cinderella, Nevin Steinberg, is the husband of the artistic director of theater I’m working for and not only have I met and talked to him one evening but he made me dinner, just something I have to get used to I guess. He’s a great guy, really humble despite all of his note worthy achievements. Basically I have to keep reminding myself I’m going to keep being around people who are either considered celebrities by many or around people such the donors from last Sunday who are insanely wealthy. 

It’s fun and cool to be able to say you were around and spent time with these people, maybe someday someone will be saying that about me. haha crazy but maybe. 

There hasn’t been a day here in Aspen where it hasn’t been absolutely gorgeous. Apparently The Bells, a national forest area obviously also including rivers and numerous mountain peaks is one of the most photographed places in the world and its a place I’ve already been several times and witnessed first hand, and I can rightfully say it’s in the most photographed for a damn good reason, just one of the most majestic places I’ve ever experienced. 

I’ve realized recently I also really need to start working on some of my design stuff for back in Duluth, I have lighting design for The Pillowman at Renegade that opens in September, assistant lighting design where I’m doing 3D Modeling and light renderings, will be drafting the light plot, doing research and eventually also taking notes and helping with focus all for Die Fledermaus on UMDs mainstage, sound design for Bluefish Cove and possibly a Stage 2 show. Yes I”m insane and that’s okay. But since we already started working on Bluefish Cove and Fledermaus I really need to get back to working on finding sounds and working on light renderings.

We’re going into tech Les Mis this coming week and I’m nervous but even more incredibly elated. 

To better days, beautiful weather, doing what you love and an optimistic future. Ayo big river!

• 14 Jun 2013

Just shit.

Man today was the first and only day so far out here that just wan’t good. That really sucked and felt like I just kept constantly getting shat on. It’s not like I was even in a bad mood in the first place, it’s just a day that seemed to get progressively worse. It all I know seems like little things but really usually if you think about it, it is the little things that make to a bad day most of the time. 

We’re supposed to help out other departments as much as possible, but not when your department has a shit ton of stuff to do, lighting has tons to do to have ready by Monday but instead I somehow got farmed out to do a bunch of other random shit. While in the process, while working on one thing got asked to do another, that might be fine but it happened at least seven times today and not hey can you try and get this done at some point today? Everytime it was a command to do this now. Fuck off. I was working my ass off today and it was never enough. This is the first day I’ve felt like this, everyone has an off day once in a while so no big deal but it just sucks. 

I still love it out here, Etienne drove up with this girl he’s been hanging out with and I hung out with them and it was so great. I hadn’t seen Etienne since Christmas one night and before that last August. We hung out all day and drank and smoked at night playing drinking games, talking and sitting at a camp site in the Maroon Bells with a roaring river and ice capped mountain behind us. 

It is so beautiful, I love theater, I love it out here, but I also have to say days like today where I really really miss Duluth, I think about it regularly anyway but wow I love Duluth and Minnesota. 

Etienne has traveled more in his life than most people out there and up until the last few years I have been pretty much in the same place my whole life. But we’ve both agreed time and time again, no matter how much we travel you ought to always have a sense of home, you can have multiple homes and love multiple places as long as you keep a sense of belonging and don’t sever times and burn bridges you can always go back. What it is to be, what’s been going on, the future, amongst all our crazy philosophical rediculousness.

I’ve been crazy addicted to How I Met Your Mother lately and it’s far too late when I have another 12 hour day tomorrow and need to be up by 8. 

Some of the donors of the theater are rediculously wealthy, I’m talking where they offer for you to either walk down to the river or to just take one of their horses, they have an outdoor pool and an indoor pool, I had filet mingon on my sandwich, the view literally looked like a post card with river numerous mountain peaks including some ice capped ones and rolling national forests, an option of the large tv which was huge or the option to watch the Tony’s on the bigger tv in the home cinema and also equipped with their own horse ranch, playground for their kids and numerous really ugly sculptures. I just can’t believe it and I put on my game face to actually try and make small talk which I don’t do well and schmooze and talk it up with coworkers and donors and board members. 

I’m feeling a little lost. I seemed so sure of myself when talking to Etienne about how I love the community of theater and that even though I have other dreams of volunteering, advocating, writing, being a semi truck driver and living and working on a commune for a while I seemed so sure that those weren’t right right now and theater is but from a day like today mixed with thought I’m feeling lost and unsure of things. Do I want to keep doing this 2 years down the road? how 5 years, 10, 15 or 20 or 50…..I have a pretty good resume for this point in my career with still a year left of college and have a lot of possible options for actual jobs after college but I don’t know. I’m sure it’s just one day and night of being unsure of what you wanna do with your life, being unsure of of yourself, family, relationships or non existent ones, the idea of it…, unsure of your career  and so on but that’s normal and it’s only one day. 

This is really truly breaking my heart even writing all this doubt about theater.

I’m also starting to wonder tonight if I should keep smoking pot or not. But do I stop drugs all together? I’ve still been thinking about exploring further with LSD and mushrooms but at the same time after the  last trip at the end of the year where I tripped at our theater party’s rave and after getting home the trip shooting up and reaching ego death I’m not sure I can go much farther. It was tiring and scary but at the same time it was so powerful, I have a total of 25 hits that could last a long time but at the same time I don’t know if I want to take it anymore.

It’s also I think just starting to realize all the responsibility I need to have very soon, being on my own, not being supported by my parents, and that whole thing with graduation coming I look forward to it but I”m also quite scared.  I feel like I’m probably going to be feeling down for a few days and I can’t wait for my day off, a bottle of wine and some other stuff that I’ll figure out what that is later. I’ve done a lot of drugs but have never kissed a girl or guy for that matter when I haven’t been drunk and or high…I’m still not sure if I care or not, honestly I think I might be okay with it but also not sure if I”m not okay with it…yeah. whatever. 

Well tumblr. I need to call it a night, up at 8am for another 9 to 9 tomorrow. Life figures itself out. 

“Open your heart to anyone who crosses your path” -Etienne

‘When things are difficult, then let yourself be happy.’

• 12 Jun 2013

This Summer.

       Tumblr. this summer is so great already and it’s only the beginning of June. Theatre Aspen was only my second choice of where to go and I can’ t believe I underestimated how great this would be. I work 12 hour work days hang out at the apartment for 3-4 hours to read, walk around and enjoy the beautiful scenery, the most beautiful place to live and work ever, and then I do it all again the next day. 

         I found out I’m going to be running Follow Spot for every performance of Les Mis this summer, as well as having to run down and move scenery during intermission. Everyone here is so cool or at the very least tolerable and good to work with. Apparently the hardest work at this particular theatre company is at the beginning of the season and right now I’m enjoying it, so I can’t wait til later when we have more time to enjoy the town and absolutely amazing area. 

      One thing that’s been tough is just being the electrics crew, I’ve been feeling a little disheartened, I realized I haven’t been truly just electrics crew for the last year and half; I’ve continually been master electrician, assistant master electrician, programmer and lighting designer and it’s tough going back to just be the crew, the one who does all the bitch work, especially when he does something that I would have done differently, the master electrician I’m working with is really good but it’s tough taking orders, not always having my projects and having to do things a different way than normal but at the same time I’m as write this now I realize I’m probably learning far more this way than of doing it my way all the time.  Also another thing I keep saying to people is I can”t believe that last saturday, just barely over week ago all that the theatre was was just a stage and audience platform covered in plastic filled with water and now it’s a theatre with working dimmers, amps, speakers, trussing, rigging, a light plot 90% hung and partially circuited, tent covered, stage floor laid and so much more. We’re not only putting on three shows but completely constructing a theatre beforehand on top of loading in, tech’ing and running three shows in rep; just wow. 
      Paid my first month of rent for the new place, have been talking to the roommates recently about the house and I can’t wait, senior year in this house is going to be so great. 

It’s going so well.

     I feel like overall I sitting on a cloud

knowing nothing at all

wandering by

sitting in the sky

working hard

while the bonfire

goes strong

rivers rush past 

thoughts just don’t last

passing through channels 

building a sense 

of  community.

I realized today one of the most basic reasons I love theater is how just how incredibly communal it is, no show can be done with just one person and even with multiple people they can’t all work by themselves, they have to work together toward the same cause. That feeling of community is one the basic things I feel like is at our human core, that we naturally incorporate into our lives. 

To the love of the present and optimism for the future. 

Goodnight tumblr. 

• 2 Jun 2013

Finishing Up and Settling In…

Tumblr.

I told myself at the beginning of this one my goals was to write more both on here and with pencil and paper and I have neglected both over the last month really. So a recap. 

A hectic last couple weeks, finished the home stretch of work at Kirby, shows at UMD, final projects for classes, and utmost crazy weekend of our theatre scavenger hunt and rave. Also to not forget about during finals week packing up my house I’ve been in for two years completely, moving it all down to the cities and then packing the car again to go to Colorado. After a long crazy day of scavenger hunting around Duluth where I ate rum ham, took shots of vineger and lime juice in addition to other crazy things before going to the rave where we partied our asses off and getting all sorts of drunk and high and having a blast, and let’s not forget the best way to spend my last night in Duluth the BONFIRE on Park POint Wednesday night! Huge fire, where right as you think we’re running out of wood we throw a whole freakin pallet on to keep it going, but the best parts of it were even when me and few others went over and smoked at the airport down the road and when it got to just 5 or 10 of sitting by the fire, Abbey singing in French, chilling and finishing off the bottle of wine, just the best night. I missed the theatre banquet partially because I got scheduled to work and could make money but even though I knew I could switch shifts with someone I didn’t want to because it was also partially due to the fact I’ve still been really cynical of our department and certain people in it, with it seeming like it’s always the same people gettting the same awards, scholarships, shows, and accolades and so on, but what do you know I won and an artistic achievement award for my Sound Design of How I Learned to Drive!!! That was quite lovely. 

I left Duluth the Thursday of finals week and left the twin cities mid day Friday and after two long 9-10 hour days of driving, stopping in the nothing town of Grand Island one nite and arriving in Aspen, Colorado late last Saturday. It was awesome to have the first four days I was here to have pretty much no work and just be able to venture around Aspen, hike Hunter Creek trail, the Bells, drive Independence Pass and hike two trailheads off of that and generally venture around the super walkable town of Aspen.

John Butler Trio is playing at a club here downtown in August and I already got tickets too! It’s 11pm late show, so even if I have to run a show Les Mis I’ll still be able to go! I can’t even think of all the shows at Red Rocks I wan to see because I know I probably wont be able to and I’ll just make myself sad thinking about it. 

It is so so so incredibly beautifully here, with rocky mountain peaks, red copper soil peaks, peaks covered in trees, peaks still covered in ice and snow. Some of the hiking trails I’ve been on still have snow on them too. 
Officially met nearly everyone yesterday at our first meeting and then proceeded to go drinking at Jimmys where drinks were on Theatre Aspen and then a few of us went to this awesome Mexican place, so good!

I can tell that I am going to just love this summer! So far everyone is really cool, hard working but chill. 

So far Carl’s which has absolutely everything you could need is awesome, there is now Walmart, Target or major chain store for nearly an hour and the only true chain restaurants in Aspen are one McDonalds and one Dominos. But there are tons of awesome, Coffee, Bagel, Burger, Wrap, and Sandwich places, including already my favorite the Grateful Deli!!! The Grateful Deli has subs, paninis, chips and pop and absolutely every sub or panini is named after a Grateful Dead song! And they are so good! I’ve been there twice in the 6 days I’ve been here. 

I can say this is the first summer, where I feel like I actually have friends from UMD I am going to miss, the first two summers I didn’t give a shit and didn’t miss anyone in the slightest, honestly I talked to couple people during the first couple summers but overall didn’t miss seeing or talking to UMD people at all and this summer; this summer is different, there are so many people that are just graduated, in my year or the years younger than me that I’m going to miss seeing everyday  and miss hanging out with. 

Just finished our first day of work early, working from 8:15 to about 3:30. Although normally we’re going to have 10 out 12 days. 

Luckily this summer’s going to awesome with some great people in a beautiful place! 

Well I’m all caught up tumblr. one of my main goals is to write more, so let’s keep this going! 

• 25 May 2013